Are We There Yet?

Car trips. Long car trips. Yep. They always seem bring forth from our youngest that age old question: Are we there yet? 

Not just once. Or twice. But over and over and over again. 

This past March, I tried to be prepared. As we packed for our long trip to Missouri, I made sure the Kindle Fire was fully charged and packed, along with the PSP, Nintendo DS and a new to him IPod that was his birthday present. So many electronics to choose from. Such a variety. Surely we'd survive. Surely HE'D survive. ;)

All in all it wasn't too bad. The *question* was asked a good dozen or more times but we DID survive!

Flash forward to this past Wednesday as we're packing to go on our family vacation to Wisconsin. 

Nintendo DS - Check

iPod - Check

PSP - Check

Kindle Fire - Check

"Do you have my books packed?", my 9 year old son asks. 

Say what...??? 

I'll pause here to add some perspective. While my 9 year old loves being read to, he has not been a big reader himself. Not a fluent reader just yet. And he certainly does NOT make a habit of asking if I've made sure I brought books along on a trip (even though I always do...you know, just in case). I know him - learning to read has been a slower process for him and he has in general preferred to do other things. Things that aren't such a struggle.

I let my son know that I had our read aloud packed - we're halfway through James and the Giant Peach which he is LOVING. (BFG packed just in case we finish.) 

"My books too? The books I'm reading?"

Great googely moogely, after that question I made sure I packed them up! But I will admit to thinking it was probably a waste of packing space since he'd be too busy doing other things (i.e. electronics) on the 5 hour trip there.

30 minutes into our trip:

"Mom, can I have one of my books?"

A little bit later...

"Can I have another?"

A little bit later...

"Mom, can you hand back another one of my books?"

Gotta say, these are words that a book loving- borderline book hoarding - mama hears and finds her heart going all warm and fuzzy. I had fight to not let a SQUEE of joy erupt. (Keep it calm lady, no big deal.)

When I see things starting to click together nicely, I am thankful I battled so valiantly against my slightly more pushy, anxious, schoolish side this past year or so...and that the more patient, unschooly side won out. 

On this particular car ride, I don't think my son asked, "Are we there yet?", more than 2 or 3 times. And what was asked was more along the lines of, "How much longer?".  But I didn't care a smidge. Barely even noticed in fact. What I'll take away from this trip is where my son is at in his reading journey; his interest, confidence and growth. 

During that 5 or so hours contained in a moving vehicle, games were played on the iPod, snacks were eaten, a good dozen selfie and scenic pictures were taken with the iPod camera, conversations were had, and several books were read. 

Are we there yet??  Not quite...but good golly, we're headed in the right direction.

Learning to Read: Nudging, Pushing and Pimp Slaps

Both of my daughters crossed that magical line into reading "fluency" at around the same time...each in the second half of their 2nd grade year.  I know there was YEARS of build up, but still, it seemed to happen overnight. Like magic. Their individual journeys to get there were vastly different but after partnering, guiding, facilitating and then just plain old staying out of the way, I felt pretty confident that my youngest, a boy, would find his own way too, in his own time. 

 And yet...

He didn't seem to be as interested in the whole reading thing.  Being read *to*, yes! But not reading for himself.

Being 6 and not interested didn't bother me.  Not a bit.

Being 7 and not interested didn't bother me.  Not really.

Being 8 and not interested didn't...wait, that started to bother me.

So I tried a little bit of extra "nudging".  Nudging that was not well received by my son.  Now, I'm a big fan of a well placed and gentle nudge but it should be noted that continuing to offer unwelcome nudging is nudging no longer.  It becomes pushing.  Ack.  I knew better and yet here I was - pushing.  So I backed off.  Well, let's be honest here. I backed off after I went ahead and made a bit of a mess of things.  But I backed off.  I took a deep breath and continued on - continued to read to him, answer his questions about what things said in his video games and on television, birthday cards, signs and books he would look through.  At night when I read aloud to him before bed I would still offer to read with him if he wanted. Sometimes. Sometimes not.  And sometimes he wanted to.  And sometimes not so much.  And then were times when I didn't offer, that *he* asked.  A book that seemed to click for him, that prompted him to ask more nights than not to read to me, was The Children's Story Bible.

It was at this point in the whole process that this 8 year old of mine informed me one night as we were reading together, that he reads all the time during the day.  All the time.

Really...?? The schoolish part of me (a very teeny tiny part but still there to rear her disdainful head from time to time) clucked her tongue and said, "I don't see any of that going on and if I don't see it and hear it and measure it, then it didn't happen. And besides, whatever it is he's doing is NOT the same thing as sitting down with ME and *practicing* reading."

I promptly pimp slapped the schoolish part of me.  Hard.  She didn't even see it coming. 

And then I listened to my young son as he matter of factly told me how he reads everywhere we go.  How when nobody is watching him or asking him questions, he reads signs.  Street signs, signs in restaurants, at the library, businesses we drive by and stop in...signs EVERYWHERE, ALL THE TIME.

I smiled and told him how awesome that was. And that one day soon he'd be able to read anything and everything without even having to try, he just *would* - just like his older sisters.  Of this, he was still a tad doubtful.

After that conversation I began to pay a bit more attention.  I discreetly watched him at moments throughout the day. Watched how observant he was, noticed the times where he stood looking at a sign or a cereal box...quietly, sometimes mouthing the words to himself.  And the unschooler in me went ahead and called forth that schoolish part (the part I'd pimp slapped with relish into a dark, isolated corner).  "See? Do you see that?  That's how it happens.  Shame on you for making me doubt, for making me not see the full value and beauty in *that*."

My son is 9 now and will be a 4th grader this fall.  He enjoys reading shorter books with lots of pictures or illustrations thrown in here and there.  As his skills grow, so does his confidence in himself.  The lure of food coupons and cheap toys through our local library's summer reading program, has prompted yet another burst in his reading fluency.  So now at night before I read to him, he'll lay there reading a Mr. Putter and Tabby book.

I just sit there with him, keeping him company, waiting my turn to read to him.  Sometimes he reads out loud to me. Other times he reads silently to himself, occasionally turning the book around and pointing to a word he can't figure out. 

The schoolish part of me would make him sound it out, figure it out for himself.   But she's cowering in the corner - where she belongs.  And the unschooler in me simply answers my son's question. :)

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